Bonjour!  Remember me?  Wait a sec, do I even remember me?  Good question!  Where have you been?  Good question.  What have you been up to?  Good question.  Are you back to stay?  I hope so.  Where has time gone, really?  Good question!

Are you ready for some Randoms?

Anybody know what’s up with summer this year?  It seems it’s off to a late start.  I just hope that means that winter is too.

I wish somebody would tend to that dog…  It’s been crying all day.  It’s too damn hot for him to be outside all the live-long day.

I was about to call Animal Services on another neighbor yesterday.  She wised up and brought that poor kitty inside.  She had been outside for the past 4 days and nights in this sweltering heat….  Neighbor’s excuse:  she had fleas

Why is it that the people who contribute THE MOST to the problem, are the same ones who can’t admit it?

Why didn’t anybody tell me that just because you’ve lived with someone, when you’re married to them, their annoying habits make your teeth itch ten gazillion times than when you weren’t married :s

Why do kids grow up so fast?

Life can change in the blink of an eye.

It’s time to get over it, move on, suck it up, whatever….  Nobody feels sorry for you anymore.  Get the help you need.  I did.

Everybody wants somebody else to blame.  That can be a phase in your growth, or you can allow it to be your entire life-story.  I chose to break free.

I am looking for a miracle.

I really want braces.  I don’t want to wait until next year.

I suffer from depression.  I feel relieved to not have to hide that anymore.

I love the sun.  I don’t care how black I get, I just love it.

I love my hair.  I can’t keep my hands out of it.

Being a woman does not automatically make you a wife.  Being a man does not instantly make you a husband.  Are married people really aware of this?  I can count the couples I know personally on one hand….. 

I need a new wardrobe, like, SERIOUSLY…..

God is Good.  ALL the time

Wowzers!  I’ve been busy!  for someone who just recently became a SAHM, I’ve got alot on my plate.

It’s been busy, as usual, but what else is new EH?  Lol, that’s the Canuck in me coming out.

RANDOMMMMMMMM:

I’m angry at my dad for all the trauma he’s caused… and as I raise 3 kids (under the age of 10) of my own, I realize that being a good provider in these years is peanuts compared to the years when it matters most.  You know:  he years that are not set in stone; but if you are actually THERE for your kid, you just KNOW when that time is?  The time for you to STEP UP, and DO what you gotta do to BREAK THE GENRATIONAL CURSES, STOP history from repeating itself???????  Yeah THOSE years….  F*UCK!!!  ANY body can provide during the 5-10 years.  I know third generation Canadians who are doing that on taxpayers dollars, who’ve worked nary a day in their lives for Pete’s sake!!!!  WHAT I’M TALKIN’ BOUT is the verbal abuse, the trauma, the NOT realizing that what happened to you DOESN’T have to happen to your kids.  And doing your best not to repeat it… Guess it didn’t hurt that much then hunh????

As a result of this, my baby brother is broken…..  Beyond repair, it seems.  He is my dad 2X ULTRA, ya know?  Like the laundry detergent says?  Yeah, but the real deal……

He hurt my mom.

He hurt my nephew.

He scared my sister.

He hurt me….

Why?  I don’t know.

How?  My sister is angry and rightfully so.  She’s looking for someone to blame, and rightfully so.  What I want to say to her is, “I’m angry too dammit!!!  If you can be this angry and he’s not even your real dad, how the fuck you think I feel knowing that he’s REALLY my dad, and I can’t just park him somewhere in the back of my mind….  He’s really MY  dad…. It hurts like you have no fucking idea….. How mad do you think I am?????  Then you wanna turn around and blame me?????

FYI, I’m not as close with baby bro as you THINK I am…  I DON’T really know anything about him other than what he tells me….  Which is what he thinks I wanna hear….  I DID NOT, as there is a LIVING GOD see this coming…  If I did, do you think I am that evil to not have spared you all?????  Thanks for the benefit of the doubt…….

I ain’t mad atchya tho… I know the kind of anger that comes from growing up in that mess.  You NEED to blame someone… I UNDERSTAND…  More than you know…..

Whaddyasay we get through this together?  Instead of on different teams?  Lets break the cycle.

Lets……

Be sisters again……

I said goodbye to the relaxed ends and this is me, au naturale, except for the color I added.

maybe a little too red? I like the edge...

I'm a little cheesed that it won't lay down, always flipping back up!

© Ladylibra: the skin that I’m in, 2009

In two more sleeps….  Am I ready for it?  Yes, like yesterday….

Stay tuned….

© Ladylibra: the skin that I’m in, 2009

…..For you.  In North American culture this usually symbolizes the warmth, security and loyalty of the family hearth.  It can sometimes even symbolize the warm thoughts of a loved one a far ways off from home….

Even though you may not see this, I am writing this to let you know that you may not be family, but you are still family.

You are safe here.  These four walls were built upon, and are kept by LOVE.

I know your story.  I know your fear.  I know you’re probably wondering,

“What comes next?”

“Where do I go from here?”  “Who will help me?”

“Who will hold me, who will love me?”

Only God knows how long you will be in our lives, some things are only for a season.  But He brought you to us, because He knows us.  He knows that I understand the language you speak when you look at me with those hollow and frightened eyes, wanting to trust, but so afraid to trust.  That’s why your path led you to our doorstep.  It may take you a while to feel welcome enough to fully come on in…  Take your shoes off, have a seat, relax and melt into the background that is a loving and safe family….

I know.

It may take a while.

But before you do, come inside that is….

Take another look at that window on our porch…

That candle that is burning, the flicker of that flame….

It.

Is.

For.

YOU.

You.

You….  Matter, are special, are worthy of love, and safety, and again….

LOVE.

Welcome.

© T.Kay Higgins, 2009